am i right-side up or upside down?

Six and a half weeks ago my life completely changed – I became a mom.

I remember thinking in the nine months that lead up to that Friday morning in May how things were going to be, and not be, like I had plans to go to the Dave Matthews Caravan show in Atlantic City, NJ for three days just a month after my little one was due. WRONG!

Once my sweet little daughter was born my entire world changed, my line of thinking and what was important to me all completely flipped. I realized that there was no way I could leave her even for a day to drive four hours each way to listen to a band that I had traveled half-way across the country to listen to several times in my past.

In fact, I can barely remember my past before Dani – everything is a blur. I vaguely remember the events of my pregnancy but even those nine months are somewhat foggy… my life seems to have started with the moment that she was born.

All my friends who are moms said that this would happen – that my life would begin and end with my new little one. And that everything would revolve around her. And that as much as I tried to fight it, things would most certainly change for me.

At 38 years old, I really thought it wasn’t in the cards for me to be a mom. And I had accepted that fact. I was perfectly happy to be an aunt to my wonderful brood of nieces and nephews whom I loved very much. But little did I know, I had no idea what love really was. You really can’t until you love your child.

Anyway, things are finally getting back to normal, or to my new definition of normal that is. The first three weeks were rough – not only was my daughter born by c-section, I wasn’t producing enough milk so in the first five days that she was home she lost over a pound. And the fact that I was severely¬†anemic and had the ankles of an elephant did not make it any easier to deal with all the sleepless nights and hormonal madness that was going on in my world.

So when I say there is a fuzzy line between normal and insanity these days I really mean it.

I am hoping that blogging will help not only me on my most important quest of becoming a mother but also my daughter, so that she may know someday exactly how much I love her and love being her mom.

In fact, I cannot even remember anymore what it was like to not be her mom. Everything B.D. (Before Dani) is a blur… a lifetime ago that doesn’t merit space in my memory anymore it seems. All that matters now is what happens A.D (After Dani)… and thus the name of my blog…