tomorrow go back to being friends

A group of friends was discussing how supportive their long term mates have been and how lucky they were to have someone like their mates to grow old with.

I wish I could believe that a relationship like that was possible for me but I have so many trust issues with my heart that were intensified by having a child. Now not only do I have to worry about someone breaking my heart, I have to worry about someone breaking my daughter’s heart too. And his god better protect him if he does hurt my daughter because I will make sure he rues the day he met me.

And aside from countless men who have played with and stepped on my heart, the one man I finally did commit to died of a heart attack 3 weeks after proposing. So, I may be scarred for life.

BUT, no fear… I am actually very comfortable knowing that when I am in a sexual relationship that it isn’t forever… it is just for right now. And I have tons of really great friends (male and female) that I know will be companions for life.

And I have a life mate in a close platonic female friend (she knows everything about me) and when Dani graduates college (if she goes) I will be selling my house and moving to wherever this close friend of mine is because she is the one I want to grow old with.

So I sort of see this friend as you ladies seem to see your husbands (only maybe you have sex? lol).

And I know it is a tough concept but I don’t feel anymore that I have to love one person forever… I have loved many (men and women) and I will love many more.

But I don’t ever expect to marry until I am dying… and only because I don’t want my daughter to have to sign off on the DNR.


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