Once again I find myself starting over.
It’s almost cathartic in the sense that I always come out stronger, but I’ve never been good at handling heart break… I tend to bury the pain and sadness in anger and hate.
Something I need to work on I guess.
The first time I read this poem, After A While from Veronica Shoffstall, I was in my first semester of college. It was the first time I’d been away from home for more than a week and it was very scary. I made some amazing friends, one of whom I still am in contact with, and I learned a few lessons, some of which I’ve had to learn a few times.
This time I think I’ve finally learned that it’s just me. I’m the only one I have to depend on. Just me.
It’s a scary thought, especially since I have a four year old, but now that I’ve finally realized that there will never be anyone to walk down this path with me, that there will never be another human being I can fully trust… well, now I can move forward and take my destiny into my own hands and build my life around that.
It still hurts though. And it will for a while.
I envy my four year old because she’ll forget about this last year by the end of the next one… but I never will. I trusted and this time it was worse because I involved my daughter.
Time to move on I guess.
With every goodbye I learn…