In Limbo

A week or so ago, I received a series of suicidal texts from an ex at 2 am.
So I called him because, as much as I dislike him right now, I still love him and I don’t wish him dead… just out of my life.

Anyway, I called him… and he was drunk. The first couple hours was him crying about how isolated and alone he is and how he thinks he is depressed.

Well… he probably is. Massive amounts of beer and alcohol over the years can do that to you. It’s one thing to have a drink or two a few nights a week… it’s a completely different thing to have a case or two a few nights a week.

I felt sorry for him. I still love him so it’s hard to not care. And I’m the type of person who would drop everything if I came across a STRANGER in the same condition, so of course I called him.

I don’t even think he realizes what he’s become… what he was even before Dani and I moved to Montana. If I’d known of this, I never would have moved. I’m not much of a drinker… a good Margarita will put me under the table… and ALL of the heavy drinkers that I’ve dated in my life have been abusive. There would have been a huge, red flag waving around in my head… “DON’T GO!!”…

Now, I’ve been under a doctor’s care for anxiety and depression for 14 years… and the first thing my doctor said to me was you need to stop drinking. Not that I was drinking much back then… a couple drinks, a couple times a month… but she wanted me to know just how negatively  a depressant, like alcohol, affected a person like me, with chronic depression and anxiety.

So I KNOW that depression and alcohol are not a good mix. I KNOW that alcohol is a depressant and thus works exactly opposite of an anti-depressent. And I KNOW that alcohol and my body don’t mix well… kind of like dairy milk and my body… only much more damaging.

I hope he gets help. I really do. He’s a great guy when he is not drinking and spending 2-3 days afterwards in bed because he’s hung over.

Guess how he spent Christmas day? :/

Sigh.

And, just so you know, I’ll keep blogging here… because no man will ever silence me.

Never.

 

#takingbackmypower

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