Eleven years ago, in about 12 hours, I watched the man I loved, and had agreed to marry, die on my living room floor.

Some years this anniversary is better than others, this is not one of those years. Maybe because the time line is accurate, it occurred late on a Sunday night. It just feels like I’m reliving the experience over again.

The memories are no longer vivid but the pain still resides. I don’t think about him everyday anymore, I mostly save my grief for this week every year.

Not on purpose. It’s just what’s happened after years of healing and therapy.

In fact some years I don’t even realize where the depression comes from until the eve of his death is upon me. My body remembers even if my brain has blocked it.

But today is bad. And I’m going to get through it anyway I can, even if I just want to spend the day under the covers.

Mostly by hugging my daughter. It was her love, and my love for her, that finally shrunk the hole in my heart left from Dennis. And it is her love and life that keeps me moving forward everyday.

Dennis, you’ll always be in my heart.

February 14, 1971 – January 9, 2006


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