It’s one of those days.
The depression has been growing steadily the last 3 days, it’s that time in my cycle, and all I can say is “thankfully it’s a work from home day because I can’t do life today”.
I dropped my kid off at school today in a tye dye tee and yoga pants. And I’ve barely been able to move from the sofa since I got back. I think I ate once yesterday.
I’m really good about feeding my kid but when the depression hits, I forget to eat anything myself.
I canceled my lunch date and my dentist appointment, but I don’t even have the energy to tell either of them that I canceled.
There are no lights on in the house, the curtains are closed, the TV is off, the only light is the glare of my computer as I’m logged in to work.
But I can’t concentrate on work.
The only noise is the constant tumbling of rocks in our rock tumbler that’s been running for 5 days… and which will run for 15 more.
Eeyore is, and always has been, my true spirit animal.
I’m just glad I have one or two friends who love me in spite of it.
“Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great…” ~ Sarah (Labyrinth)
I snap it when ever I think of things I don’t want to think about… Like cigarettes and ex-boyfriends…
A good fat, solid rubber band works best but this still does the job. I’ll pick up some after work today.
This morning I got an unsolicited dick VIDEO on KIK from someone I’ve never talked to before…
Smiling I am.
But, unsolicited dick picks, AND videos, are going to end up in the Unsolicited Dick Pics coffee table book that I am putting together currently. I’ll have a dvd in the back for the videos.
My prized photo is a 9 incher with a prince albert piercing. Go on guys, keep sending the dic pics…
I need the laugh today.
And just incase you missed my other dick pic posts:
So, I always start smoking again when I break up with boyfriends and it’s happened twice in the last 7 days… so that leaves one amour left, but unfortunately he’s out of the country this week so I’ll have to mourn this alone. (Remember, I’m poly?)
Anyway, I’ve been smoking the last week and hating myself for it. Two packs alone yesterday.
It’s always sad when you lose a friend.
I remember the first time I realized that Dennis was never going to leave me… outside of death that is…
We’d gotten into a huge fight and I stormed out of his house really thinking it was over. I got about a half mile home when I saw headlights coming up very fast behind me. So I pulled over, figuring if it wasn’t a cop that I still didn’t want to get between this guy behind me and wherever he was going.
But it was just Dennis.
Come to tell me that he could not get through the night with out a good night kiss and that even if we were angry that he still loved me.
This was after I went on prozac because I didn’t want to drive him away with my mood swings. Dennis was the reason I even realized I was mentally ill. So, he knew me at my best and still loved me at my worst.
For 6 years.
Thank you Dennis for showing me what love is.
Rest In Peace… 1971-2006