How I Like My Sex

Several years ago a movie came out that changed my life… and, don’t laugh… that movie was The Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts.

I know, I know… it’s stupidly silly, dramatic, and overly corny but it had one really good point… that the female main character didn’t have any idea what she liked (to eat, to do, to watch) because she had never taken the time to figure it out, she’d always just gone along with what the people in her life told her she liked… especially the men.

And THIS is the story of my life.

But after watching this movie,  I realized that I, like Julia Roberts’ character, had no idea how I liked my eggs… or anything else for that matter… and that it was time for me to figure it out.

And, after this movie, things definitely changed.

Only a little bit at first… I tried every way I could possibly think of to eat eggs and I eventually figured out how I really like them (scrambled with cheese and hot sauce or over easy with toast for dipping, also with hot sauce)… and, although it’s taken me a few more years, I’ve come to realize that I should incorporate these same methods into figuring out how I like my sex as well.

So, here I am… moving past the days of sex being about whether or not the man I am with orgasms and into the days where it’s all about how much pleasure I can experience.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it is not all about me… I am GGG all the way… it’s just now I’m making sure that it’s at least partially about my pleasure as well.

Please wish me luck… and lots fun… because if I don’t take care of my own needs, who will!

Cinna to the Rescue

Meet the newest member of our family… Cinna/Cinnamon.

Over the last few weeks Dani’s had a hard time at school because a classmate has been bullying her. I’ll do a separate post on that later because I have a lot of information to share… but for now, I let Dani get a rabbit so that she would always have a friend.

So… now she has a rabbit friend.

And she’s very attentive to him.

She fed and watered him all by herself tonight and she assisted me in cleaning his litter pan.

She also hand fed him a nice big leaf of Romain lettuce as a snack after which was completely adorable.

Hopefully, that attentiveness lasts… 🙂

Panic Attacks

I woke up this morning in the middle of a full-fledged panic attack. For those of you who have had one of these, I completely empathize… for those who haven’t, I’ll try to explain.

My brain wouldn’t stop with the guilt, no matter how hard I tried to think about all the really good things I’ve done lately. It just spins and spins… “you can’t do this”, “you’re not good enough”, ” you’re a terrible mother”, “you’re never going to get caught up on your bills”, “you’d be better off in a mental institution where you don’t have to pretend to be normal, to pretend to be like everyone else”.

These thoughts just toss and turn in my head until my stomach is in knots… tied up and twisted… and I just want to stick my finger down my throat to make the crazy, toxic feelings all expel from my body. But it doesn’t work. It’s not like a normal tummy ache.

My hands shake, my knees are weak, I have trouble walking. I can’t breathe because my chest feels like it’s in a vice grip. My mind is constantly evolved around the guilt in my head.

I can’t concentrate on anything except the guilt. My ears are deaf and my eyes are blind to anything and every thing except the massive circular reference doing somersaults in my brain.

Over. And over.