So, if I had to describe how screening guy’s messages today in my online dating apps went – it went something like this…
No fucking way.
Oh My Fucking God!
The last one being over a message that I received from my deceased ex-fiance’s step-daughter’s sexual predator. Yes, I know that is a mouthful… all you have to take out if this is… HE’S A FUCKING CHILD MOLESTER!!!
Thankfully I knew who he was because his message to me was very literate and detailed, unlike most messages that I receive from men. His photos were not terrible, a good personality could cancel out any minor hesitations I might have had. This is the guy I would have responded to.
Nope. That’s it. I’m scared off dating for a good, long while…
Mommy: Where’s your backpack?
Little: In the car, mommy.
Mommy: You sure?
Little: Yes, mommy.
10 minutes later, as we’re pulling into the school drop off…
Little: Mommy, where’s my backpack?
Little: Wow, mommy. You have a lot of cookbooks!
Me: Yes, I collect them.
Little: But why? You don’t cook.
Sometimes I wish that when they placed that beautiful baby girl in my arms that distinct day of May back in 2011, that they’d also handed me a user’s manual.
Because it seems to me that I am, more often than not, at a complete loss about how to parent my child effectively. This happened today when I received a phone call from the vice principal at my child’s school.
Apparently my child is so frustrated and frightened by the move that she is causing serious disruptions during class… even though we are only moving within the same town and she’s still going to be able to go to the same school. It probably stems from being kicked out of our home in Montana but this most recent move, even though the circumstances are completely different, seems to have caused some heavy duty insecurities in my daughter’s mind… insecurities that I am responsible for.
So, again, Parenting Manual please?!?!
I know I need to be more aware of how even my inner most fears can affect my child but how do I bury them far enough down that the very smart and in tune little one doesn’t notice?
I question every decision I make.
Will it affect her? If so, how? Is there a better way I can be handling this? Am I seriously screwing up my kid?
I’m sure all parents have these same anxieties. But how do you deal? How do you turn off that scared, paranoid little voice in your head that questions your every move so that you can actually enjoy your life with this amazing mini – you?
It’s tough. It’s worth it but it is definitely the most exhausting and complex responsibility that I’ve ever attempted.
AND she’s only 6!
Little: I’m bored.
Me: I only have to provide you with food, shelter, and clothing… entertainment is not part of the deal.
And I’m not so certain that I’m not getting sick. My muscles ache like I just walked 6 marathons and pulled an acre of weeds…
I most definitely didn’t.